As my second blog birthday looms, I’ve been doing a little thinking about some of the early posts I slapped up here, when I didn’t pretend like I knew what I was doing.
This post sung out at me, because it relates to a topic I have had a few deep and meaningfuls about with a few important people in the past few months.
I am an enigma wrapped up in a whole bucket of disgusting cardigans, and although I like to schedule and plan my life to the very minute, I always end up jumping into whatever life throws at me with both feet.
Take my relationship for example…
I didn’t follow any dating ‘rules’, mainly because I hadn’t a clue what I was doing and so I just chucked myself into it head-first. P knew exactly what kind of person I was within 20 minutes of meeting me. Loud-mouthed, perpetually hungry, awkward looking and perfectly happy to make an idiot of myself. I didn’t hold back one iota….I do feel sometimes that I lack a filter.
Why would I pretend to be anybody else to make someone like me?
This of course, has back fired in the past…many a boy has actually thought I was mental and run screaming in the other direction, and I have gotten hurt by my all or nothing approach to life.
When I say hurt…there was a time when only the Harry Potter films and Earl Grey kept me functioning…..it was dire….. and despite still being able to remember how soul-crushingly alone and rejected I felt, I now marvel at my self-preservation, my ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to keep going until it hurt less and less and less.
If you are a ‘both feeter’ and you throw yourself fully at life, you have to be prepared for life to throw things back at you with the same force. It does mean that sometimes you feel like you are picking yourself up off the floor more than you are moving forward, but every time you gather your strength and make yourself harder to be thrown off-kilter.
If you live all or nothing, you need to surround yourself with people who adore you for the person you are. I am very lucky to have wonderful family & friends, originals and inherited. People who love you won’t always understand a ‘both feeter’, but they will be there to help support you when the world pushes back. They may get infuriated with how much abuse you give yourself, hurling your heart and soul out into the ether, only for it to get shredded, but they stay and help you stick it all back together with No More Nails till the next time.
So what am I trying to say in this post?
Keep being brave. It is so important to keep reaching out and grabbing hold of new stuff.
If you are a toe-dipper, plunge in a whole foot once and a while. Yeah, it might end badly…. but what if it goes well? You might discover something that you thought you could never have. Apply for that job you think you might not get. Flirt with that hot barman who is way too sexy for his own good. Try something new on the menu. Let yourself fall, knowing you are strong enough to get back up. Because you ruddy are you know…
If you are a ‘both feeter’, remember to thank those who love you. They see you fall time and time again, but they love you enough to let you do it and to thrust a hand in your direction when you are finding it hard to balance on those fabulous trotters of yours. They deserve lots of love, affection, thanks, tea, cake and gin.
PS: Have you entered my 2 year Bloggarversary Giveaway yet? Why on earh not? It’s free and easy to do you know! Pop over there now and get in with a chance!