On getting what you wished for

Last Wednesday I got what I wished for.

You might have heard me banging on about our new house and getting our keys on Twitter/Facebook/streets around my town…let’s just say I have QUITE vocal about my excitement.

I know a lot of first time buyers are excited about their first home, but for me, putting that key in the lock for the first time, was a nod of achievement and a reminder that what I have sacrificed was worth pushing by the wayside.

Some of you may not know that I trained as an actor. And I loved it. I loved performing and the thrill of creating something for others to enjoy. I fell in love with acting when my Grandmother took me to see a musical stage version of Beauty & The Beast when I was 9. I was sat mouth agape for the entire 2 and a half hour show. I wanted to make people feel how I felt at that moment, so I told me parents, with much cajoling, that I wanted to be an actor. I attended Saturday stage school, did a Performing Arts GCSE, followed by a BTEC National Diploma at A Level and finally a Degree in Acting for Television, Theatre and Film. All my educational life was centred toward my commitment to wanting to perform.

I left university and began the working actor’s life. The “struggle for a well paid job so you can pay your rent in London, whilst scouring the city for acting work” life. Really not as glamourous as you might imagine…but I knew what I signed myself up for. I did a few things that I really enjoyed, but finally I realised that I whilst I adored performing, that an actor’s life really wasn’t for me.

I didn’t actually realise how much I missed performing until last month, when P and I went to see his second musical ever. I suddenly had the feeling I was on the wrong side of the curtain. I began doubting myself…should I have stopped doing something that had truly given me so much joy?

Then last week, we got our keys.

I had known when I was acting that I would never be able to own my home as a jobbing actor. You are too risky for mortgage lenders and you never really have a steady income. And I needed that. I needed that security and that stable life. I realised during my second year of being a jobbing actor in London that the insecurity made me unhappy. I also knew that I would never be able to fully commit to a relationship with a non-actor (because if you haven’t lived it….you don’t really understand that the work HAS to come first) and I honestly had to reach outside what I knew… for my own sanity.

So, one night, in floods of tears on my kitchen floor in an icy North London flat, I changed my stars. I wanted true friends, I wanted my own home, I wanted to get married and I wanted to feel happy again.
Not one for sitting about, I jumped in with both feet to change my life. I changed jobs, I met P, I left London without even looking back. I gave it all up for a dream that I always thought I wouldn’t get….I mean I’m not the kind of girl who people marry….

Now I am older, I can see that I always thought I would be able to have both. Yet when it cam to crunch time I wasn’t willing to give up my ‘life’ dream, so the ‘work’ one had to go. (Perhaps one day I will find time to make it a hobby.)

So now stood with keys to the home I own, with the man who wants to marry me….I can’t help but grin.

Miracles do happen…sometimes they just take a little while.

(Gawd….that was a bit deep and meaningful wasn’t it?! Regular programming to resume pretty darn soooon!)

 

 

 

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8 responses to “On getting what you wished for

  1. I hope you’re always this happy in your new home, how wonderful to have achieved such a huge goal. Good luck with the unpacking! 🙂

  2. What an exciting and uplifting post! I love it! Congrats on the new home. Can’t wait to see updates as they happen. 🙂

  3. Congratulations on your new home and thank you for sharing your story of how you arrived there, your choices and dilemmas. Performing will be part of your life don’t worry. Enjoy the nesting!

  4. Such a wise, old head on such young and beautiful shoulders! Good luck in the next – and exciting – stage of your life! xx

  5. Dream a little dream hunny, you never know your dreams might come true. Mine did and I have to say I have made the best choice I have ever made. I dont regret a single thing. Just settle into your new home and then see what happens. Huggs Allie

  6. What a brilliant post, well done to you for realising what you want and need are sometimes not the same thing. You should be proud of what youve achieved. Lots of people arent happy with their lot and just go along with it, but once you believe you are worthy of greater things (and that you deserve to be happy), you can make things change for the better. It takes guts to decide what will make you happy and really go for it. Then, my pidgey, the sky’s the limit. Dare to dream, my wee feathered friend. :o)

  7. Aw congrats with the move! It’s such a great feeling when it all comes together after the stress of everything in the run up. Enjoy! X

  8. WOW! I Never knew this about you!Very interesting because, that story is very similar to mine! I too have LOVED performing on the stage since the age of 3!I did GCSES and ALEVELS, worked on the West End as a child actor, then it got to UNI time. Whilst i actually applied for Drama schools and auditioned, it just didnt feel right, the people just werent for me and the life just wasnt for me. I took a year out to try and clear my head and choose my direction, I still didnt really know which direction to take, but knew that I loved theatre So I chose to study Drama, thinking that this COULD lead to either direction, the actor’s life or a career based around the theatre. I came out of Uni and worked at the Box Office of a Theatre and ran A youth theatre. Both of which I loved, but I was fed up of the hours and the low wage and lack of progression and security. So basically, after this long comment (!!), i learnt to realise that I will always love and miss that side of my passion but I dont want to rely on it as a source of income! I want the house, the lifestyle too much! I dont want to grow to resent it. xxx

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