I am a yes girl. A do-er. A sweep in and get it sorted sort. A future thinker. A ‘no problem! Change of plan’ type. An on-to-the-next-thinger. A ‘look at me…I’m doing it all’ proclaimer…..And in December I hit a brick wall and slid down it.
I had spent the majority of 2013 working myself into a black pit and there was no way I could clamber out by myself. In fact, I was blindly handcuffing myself to the curved walls and singing loudly to drown out reasonable concerns from others.
I guess breaking point for me came when I realised my husband might leave me because I couldn’t stop crying about going to work the following day. He’d consoled, he’d hugged, he’d offered advice, he’d become frustrated, he’d given up and then started the cycle again till he and I were so dizzy that we couldn’t sleep and I was still sobbing.
The next day I text my boss and told him I wasn’t going to be in because I was a mess. I then made an appointment with the doctor…and then I tweeted about how I was feeling.
I tweeted about it?! I know…. that may sound super ridiculous to some of you… but I was reaching out. I was terrified and so ashamed of having to go and tell a professional that I felt like I was sucking at life, that I was exhausted when I woke up in the mornings, that my 4 month marriage was seriously suffering due to the fact that I couldn’t sit and relax and I felt I always should be doing something.
Within minutes I had wonderful tweeters, who I have never met in the flesh, reassuring me that I was doing the right thing by seeing the GP and that I was brave for not ignoring my mental health. These ladies helped me get out of my car and walk into the doctor’s surgery, where I promptly emotionally exploded in front of a healthcare professional….not a moment too soon.
It didn’t take much for these gorgeous girls to tweet me, but those few sentences from them were a bolster of support in a time I felt awfully black. I didn’t feel completely stupid and alone.
I was off work for just over 4 weeks, and it has changed my life. I feel more in control of my life now than I have for months….which sounds crazy for a lady who makes as many lists, plans and schedules as I do.
February 6th is Time to Talk day. Led by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, who are asking the public to challenge mental health stigma and discrimination, February 6th is a day to check in with each other, send a text, a tweet or even pop over for a cuppa and have a chat.
Pop over to the Time To Change website to see how you can get involved.
PS: Thank you so much ladies….you helped A lOT.