I am a yes girl. A do-er. A sweep in and get it sorted sort. A future thinker. A ‘no problem! Change of plan’ type. An on-to-the-next-thinger. A ‘look at me…I’m doing it all’ proclaimer…..And in December I hit a brick wall and slid down it.

I had spent the majority of 2013 working myself into a black pit and there was no way I could clamber out by myself. In fact, I was blindly handcuffing myself to the curved walls and singing loudly to drown out reasonable concerns from others.
I guess breaking point for me came when I realised my husband might leave me because I couldn’t stop crying about going to work the following day. He’d consoled, he’d hugged, he’d offered advice, he’d become frustrated, he’d given up and then started the cycle again till he and I were so dizzy that we couldn’t sleep and I was still sobbing.

The next day I text my boss and told him I wasn’t going to be in because I was a mess. I then made an appointment with the doctor…and then I tweeted about how I was feeling.

I tweeted about it?! I know…. that may sound super ridiculous to some of you… but I was reaching out. I was terrified and so ashamed of having to go and tell a professional that I felt like I was sucking at life, that I was exhausted when I woke up in the mornings, that my 4 month marriage was seriously suffering due to the fact that I couldn’t sit and relax and I felt I always should be doing something.

Within minutes I had wonderful tweeters, who I have never met in the flesh, reassuring me that I was doing the right thing by seeing the GP and that I was brave for not ignoring my mental health. These ladies helped me get out of my car and walk into the doctor’s surgery, where I promptly emotionally exploded in front of a healthcare professional….not a moment too soon.

It didn’t take much for these gorgeous girls to tweet me, but those few sentences from them were a bolster of support in a time I felt awfully black. I didn’t feel completely stupid and alone.

I was off work for just over 4 weeks, and it has changed my life. I feel more in control of my life now than I have for months….which sounds crazy for a lady who makes as many lists, plans and schedules as I do.

February 6th is Time to Talk day. Led by Mind and Rethink Mental Illness, who are asking the public to challenge mental health stigma and discrimination, February 6th is a day to check in with each other, send a text, a tweet or even pop over for a cuppa and have a chat.

Pop over to the Time To Change website to see how you can get involved.


PS: Thank you so much ladies….you helped A lOT.


10 responses to “#timetotalk

  1. I think you are really brave. Depression is a massive bitch and speaking up and seeking help is super hard. I am so glad our tweets helped and that life is feeling brighter now. Remember to be kind to yourself and if you must make a list, schedule that down time too. After a year of poor health the biggest thing I learnt is how important rest time is. Don’t beat yourself up. You are an inspiration xx

  2. You absolutely did the right thing to reach out, Twitter has the power to give you a little lift just when it’s most needed. I’m so glad you sought the help and advice you needed, it sounds like you’re on a better track now x

  3. The same happened to me and the cycle is very hard to break. It took me months to go to the doctors, but I’m glad I talked though, it took time but I’m slowly becoming me again.
    I’m glad you’ve taken the time for you too, it’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made. Keep going, look after yourself and definitely keep talking 🙂
    x x x

  4. Thank you for this blog post. Reading it has helped me get the courage to see my GP later today to talk anxiety and depression. With selling a flat, buying a beautiful project house and planning my October wedding I “should” be happy and excited but it takes all I have to just get out of bed in the mornings and I feel quite isolated from everyone except my immediate family. Its time to ask for help and reading your story has made me see that – so thank you.

    • You are more than welcome. Glad to have spurred you on to seeking some help, even if it is just a chat about how you are feeling. You have a lot of shiz going on! I did too last year, and it does knacker you…. Even if it is meant to be all ‘happy exciting stuff’! X

  5. Good girl, glad to see youre sounding soooo much brighter. Just remember you cant be everything to everybody all of the time. You had soooo much on your plate last year, Im not surprised something had to give. Make sure you make time for yourself (and your wonderful hubby), you dont need to live life at full throttle all the time honey. Its fine to slow down and grow some veggies or feed some chickens :o).
    I always remember these wise words – a problem shared is a problem halved, remember us in blogland can sometimes be easier to talk to than friends of family as we arent in the middle of your situation.
    I rely on my interweb friends (I dont have any real friends in the UK, only OH’s family) to keep me from cracking up, theres no shame in needing a bit of help now and then. Im off to check out your link. Keep smilin pidgey :o)

  6. Good post! After some time working part-time, and some time speaking with a counsellor, I am feeling so much better and less like I ‘should’ be doing anything. I realised my life had descended into to-do lists – even fun things became a chore! We all put so much pressure on ourselves. Well done for taking steps to look after yourself and your marriage and for reaching out when you needed it! Just wanted to share that 🙂

  7. So glad to hear you’re feeling better, love 🙂 As Claire says, depression is a bitch; I’m so glad to hear you’ve kicked it in the face! xxxx

  8. Well done for not only recognisting your problems, but getting help and then being brave enough to post about it too. Excelent sentiments. They have a similar thing here in Oz called R U OK Day? (They like short things here).

  9. Well done for getting help. Getting professional help (and going back when I needed it again) was the best thing I did for myself and my family. Make sure your ‘to do’ list includes plenty of ‘me’ time.

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